This happened about 2 years ago when I was TDY in Florida. I wrote a lot of stories when I was there. This is the only one out of about a hundred that is suitable for everyone. True story.
I was heading to San Antonio last weekend to visit my brother and my friend Kristen for a few days. I drove to Pensecola from Panama City Thursday night and stayed with my friend Mylan. It was cheaper to fly out of Pensecola since panama is the spring break capital of the world. I arived at Mylans around 7 pm, walked inside, took out my Sig Sauer 45 dropped the magazine into my laptop bag, ejected the round from the chamber and set my pistol aside.
After another night of drinking we woke up and I went to the airport. Checked in, checked one bag and headed for the security checkpoint. I pulled my laptop out of my bag and stuck it in the grey bin along with my phone and wallet. In the next bin I placed my bag, shoes, belt and watch. I get through the metal detector and as im standing on the other side barefoot and my paints falling down around my ankles the belt stops and people started to congregate around the xray machine.
Me "Some jack ass must of left some finger nail clippers in his bag"
TSA "Yea it happens all the time"
About 30 seconds later 2 cops show up and take a look at the screen. Then some more TSA people, then some guys dressed in black suits. Then I realized that it was my bag getting zapped with gama rays. There were two cops there. One tall lanky white guy and another big black woman with the nastiest hair I have ever seen. If you've ever seen the show Reno 911 take a look at the black lady cop. This was her sister.
Cop1 "Sir can you put your hands on your head for me?"
Me "Whats wrong what did I do?"
Cop1 " Sir hands on your head please"
Im now handcuffed with my pants falling around my ankles.
Cop1 "Is there anything that you might of forgotten in your bag?"
Me "No nothing I can think of."
Cop1 "Maybe a clip full of ammo?"
Me "Ahhhhh shit! Im so sorry I put it in there last night when I went to my buddies house. I totaly forgot about it."
I was then escorted to a holding room right by the checkpoint by 2 cops and 6 TSA officials.
The male cop that handcuffed me was a cool guy. He didnt make a big deal out of it and wasnt interrogating me about why I had the bullets with me. I explained it to him and he seemed to belive me. But for the other black lady cop, she wasn't as forgiving.
Cop2 "Why are you bringing a loaded clip into and airport with you? You know you cant take that on the plane right?"
Me "I told you the story already I dropped it in my bag when I went to my friends house last night."
Cop2 "Were you going to try and carry a gun on the plane? Why do you have a loaded clip on you."
Me "I already told you it was an accident I just forgot about it. No I wasnt going to carry a gun on the plane. Is that a serious question? You just searched me up and down. I dont have a gun."
Cop2 "Why do you even cary a gun. I dont think civilians should be allowed to carry a gun."
Me "First off im not a civilian, Im military. Second I have a license to carry a concealed hand gun. Third its my second amendment right to bear arms. Fourth Its called a magazine not a clip. So I dont think there is much eles you can say about me leagaly carring a gun."
Every one in the room kind of chuckled and she left the room. I spent about another 30 minutes in the room as they took down my information and wrote down a description of my tattoos. The male cop then complemented me on my taste in guns and says he also owns a Sig but its chambered in 9mm. I asked him if he likes the glock on his hip and he quickly dissmissed the notion that Glocks are supperior combat handguns. Even though he is wrong on this he made some good points and we came to a conclusion that different guns for different situations was acceptable.
He took that cuffs off and told me that he had some good news and bad news.
Me "Whats the good news?"
Cop1 "Your not going to jail"
Me "Ok, whats the bad news?"
Cop1 "You dont get to keep your clip, I mean your magazine and ammo"
Small price to pay considering I made my flight.
I walked down to gate C5 and sat down next to a 4 year old boy and his mother. We were sitting back to back and her kid was about 2 feet from my right shoulder standing up in the chair jumping up and down. I started to make some funny faces and crossing my eyes. The kid thought this was just the funniest thing he had ever seen. Then he started growling and showing his teeth in a playfull manner. I did the same. Then the little shit grabbed my hand that was resting on the back of the chair and chomped down on my first finger right below the knuckle. This wasnt just a nibble or a bite but this kid came down with enough force to crush a small animals wind pipe.
Me "AHHH you little shit!"
Mother "OHHH my God Im so sorry! Are you ok? Ohh Im so sorry about this."
Me "Is this how you raise your kid. To bite strangers?"
Mother "Ohh im sorry is there anything I can do for you?"
Me "Im just kidding its fine he's a kid, thats what kids do, they bite. Dont worry about it."
It pretty much just ended there but here's the kicker. When I was getting searched and my bag was getting torn apart by the TSA like a couple of volchers I lost a hundred dollar bill.. I dont think I lost it I think that black cop took it. Oh well at least im not in jail.
